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Tuesday, June 14, 2005 

For Grrrace's Alien Husband

Craigslist Post I spied:

From a Guy on Dating

Why does he disappear?

Most likely, he's not a complete asshole. He saw something about you he liked, and wanted to date you. Like others have said, sex can only sustain a relationship so long- for me it's about a night, if that (generally I'm not interested in hooking up with girls who I don't see as potential girlfriends). There's got to be something going on mentally - emotionally.

You guys have to be able to have a good conversation - and what you think is a good conversation may not be the same for him.

You've got to be the girl that he goes ad raves to his dad about. The girl that, when hanging out with you, he goes to the bathroom and text messages his friend "I'm in love" about. The girl he brags to his GIRLfriends about. The girl whose picture he looks at every day, secretly looking around his office to make sure nobody's standing behind him.

You've got to be the girl that he can't WAIT to take home to meet his parents. The girl that he fantasizes about doing things with-going away, going out to eat, going to the library. The girl that makes him see a hot girl, and think "man, I'm so glad I'm not going to feel bad about not being with HER" (because yes, every time we see a gorgeous woman we feel bad that we're not with them).

You've got to be the girl whose name he searches for on his computer and in his email account, hoping he'll find something he wrote to his friend about you (or better yet an old email from you). The girl whose old emails and he reads again and again. And again. And again.

You've got to be the girl that makes him hide in the bathroom at work, quietly sobbing, when he thinks things are going bad. The girl that makes him stay at work much later than he should, because instead of meeting his deadline, he's writing craiglsist posts about you.

I'm sorry when I started writing this, I truly intended it to be a guys view on dating. Instead it turned into me rambling on about the girl that I don't have, but dream about.

But I'm sure that every girl is that girl to someone.


Okay. Let's oooh. Let's ahhhh. I printed this out back in December, so obviously it turned some part in me to butter.

But then I was on the phone with O and I pulled it out to read to her and mid way through the post I had an epiphany.


Seriously, it was the library part that really started to tip me off. I mean how many guys dream about taking a girl to the fucking library? Ok, yeah, dorks, but keep reading.

He sees a HOT girl and thinks, "boy I'm glad I'm NOT with her"? Yeah fucking right! You know when guys see hot girls they eye fuck her, or the memory of her, while you're asking what they would like for dinner.

THIS FUCKING GIRL wrote this post in order to perpetuate the urban myth that guys are really girls underneath it all. Well guess what La Femmes? They're not!

They are guys.

They get dirty, they light farts on fire, they beat stuff up that moves and they try to fuck just about everything breathing. That's why we think they're hot. If they WERE girls we would probably want to bitch slap them.

Fuck. Nice try Fucked Up Girl but you're not turning me lesbian. Not today.