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Friday, June 03, 2005 

Overheard in the Land 'O' Terra

Why did I just hear one of the VP's in the office say, "No glove no love" and then laugh?

But more importantly.... why aren't I friends with him?


I've been listening to, "Learn To Speak Spanish" cd's in my car during traffic. My pronunciation is great but my skills are crap. I sound so stilted and foriegn. Plus I can't remember tenses for shit, so I use present tense for everything, "I going to bathroom last week and... big spider... eeek! I no like bathroom. I like the swing. You like the swing?"

If I lived in Mexico they would deport me.

The worst part is my accent is so good that when I tell people I don't speak spanish, in spanish, they think I'm lying and give me a look that says, "Stupid americanized Puerto Rican bitch thinks she's too good for us. Putah." Ahh well. What you gonna do? There's only so many tires I can slash in a day before my right arm gets sloppy and accidentally knicks my leg. Know what I mean?

Here's the cool thing about the cd's, they keep reminding me of words that I had completely forgotten about! I'd give you an example... but I forget.

Here's the point though, I don't think that they quite intended these cd's to be used in the way I use them. For example, cd says, "This is my husband, ese es mi esposo" and I say, "este mi esposo, un estupido panson." Or another another example was, "could you please bring me a drink" but I substituted "drink" for "Patron" and then added on an "Ahhora. Pronto Pronto!!!!" while snapping my fingers.

I'm an ass.