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Friday, May 12, 2006 

dumb de dumb dumB DUMB

Right now I'm doing two stupid things. Two very stupid things. First stupid thing, I'm reading Gone With The Wind.

Because it's an American fucking Classic. So, of course I have to read it. I think. Anyway, it's a great fucking book. Awesome. And how thankful am I that I aced American History? I really did love all of the Civil War subjects, so luckily I actually know what Margaret Mitchell is talking about. The even better part? I LOVE how she writes about Scarlett, here is a protaganist that the author obviously thinks vain and insipid. Really, it's quite a joy to read. So why do I feel as if this is one of the stupidest things I have ever set out to do?

BECAUSE: This is the longest LONGEST book I have EVER READ! And when the slaves are speaking she has written it so verbatim in their slang that I get a headache trying to figure out what the fuck they're saying. Also, do you remember when books were written really densely with small typeface in small paperbacks?

Okay, I remember this, and I also remember the slow conversion to larger type face in larger more hardback style books. At first I thought, what is this? Expensive books for the stupid? Because really, it did make you feel stupid. All of the stupid books were always printed in such a manner, but somehow with time I've become accustomed to it and now all books are printed in this manner.

Not this one. No way in fucking hell. So I'm on page four hundred, but in a modern book I would really be on about page six hundred, and the point is IT'S EIGHT HUNDRED FUCKING PAGES LONG.

I feel like I'm four hours into a twenty hour plane trip. I can't go back, I can't suddenly quit, I'm sure I'll love the destination but boy does my ass hurt. Fuck, I knew I was lazy, but I had no idea the extent I could take it to.

Second stupid thing I'm doing.

Okay, so a couple of posts ago I finally fessed up to the fact that I used to be fat. Although I never admitted to it back then, I was in total fat girl denial. Anyway, for the last two weeks I've been trying to get past a plateau. Officially I have lost, um, do I really want to admit this? ahem, cough, forty six pounds.


What a large number.

Good news? I'm two pounds below my plateau!!! YAY! The plateau I hit TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO.

Okay, so I haven't been hard core dieting for two years. I mean, I was pretty psyched at the weight I had lost and so I felt the need to go out drinking and celebrate... for two years. Heh. Give me a break, there's a lot of alcohol out there! At any rate, in order to get past this plateau I haven't been drinking, and I'm not supposed to drink tonight. But I'm going to. And you want to know why? Because a bunch of bitches went on the same diet as I did, cheated ALL THE FUCKING TIME, drank MARGARITAS, ate Mexican food, and still lost more weight than I did.

fuckers. I hate them. I hope they get gangrene and die.

Look, I KNOW I can't eat like others, I know that my metabolism's a little wacky, it's nothing new, I've always been like this. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to run other people over with my car.

So I'm going drinking. Even though I just got below my plateau. But look Weight Gods, all I've had to eat today is salad and water, I promise promise promise tomorrow will be more of the same. Please won't you let me not gain one hundred pounds? If you make it so I promise not to kill anyone for a whole mo... week.