Letter From My Ovaries, Signed with Blood
(Ironic isn't it?)
Dear Terra,
It's not that we hate you, it's that we love you so fucking much. And you know how that old saying goes? You hurt the ones you love the most. Well boy do we love you! That's why we've been giving you PMS two weeks EARLY for three months now!
And then of course we've been just two days late every month as well, not late enough for you to stab us with a coat hanger, but late enough for you to contemplate having a nervous break down. Oh sweet Terra, see how much we care?
Then, today we thought, 'hrm. She's not freaking out that she's late, she has become INURED to our evil ways!' So we had to come up with a plan to bring you back to the fold. Now that our plan is unfolding and you are miserable we are oh so happy once again.
Glad to see that you are enjoying the stiff neck, headache, nausea, leg cramps and cold spells.
For the next two days we look forward to ruining your most precious clothing and making you retain all of the water in sight.
Until next month,
Fuck you too!
Sincerely, your ovaries.
PS
If you actually start taking those birth control pills to put us in line let it be known that you will balloon up immediately. Cue evil laughter.
Dear Terra,
It's not that we hate you, it's that we love you so fucking much. And you know how that old saying goes? You hurt the ones you love the most. Well boy do we love you! That's why we've been giving you PMS two weeks EARLY for three months now!
And then of course we've been just two days late every month as well, not late enough for you to stab us with a coat hanger, but late enough for you to contemplate having a nervous break down. Oh sweet Terra, see how much we care?
Then, today we thought, 'hrm. She's not freaking out that she's late, she has become INURED to our evil ways!' So we had to come up with a plan to bring you back to the fold. Now that our plan is unfolding and you are miserable we are oh so happy once again.
Glad to see that you are enjoying the stiff neck, headache, nausea, leg cramps and cold spells.
For the next two days we look forward to ruining your most precious clothing and making you retain all of the water in sight.
Until next month,
Fuck you too!
Sincerely, your ovaries.
PS
If you actually start taking those birth control pills to put us in line let it be known that you will balloon up immediately. Cue evil laughter.
