« Home | Real Life In Monotone » | HNT (or the photo I had for you last week) » | The Food Post (or, oh shit, this might just make y... » | Today I Lost a Partner in Crime (or, the post that... » | Once Upon A Time Terra Was A Slut » | HNT » | Yuck » | Today's The Day The Drafts Reappear (Or I'm too bu... » | I'm Moving This Weekend (or, pray a box of books d... » | I Think My Vitamins Are Really Horse Pills » 

Friday, October 28, 2005 

The Post Where I Had A Point, But Didn't Want to Offend Anyone and So I Skirted Around It Until I Just Started To Babble

Just got back from the potluck and now I have a million fucking complaints.

And I want to complain about stuff that, really, I should just keep my mouth shut about. But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to fucking rant and if I piss you off then FUCK YOU.




This was a GOD DAMN DIVERSITY POTLUCK!!! What was brought?

Store bought cookies.


Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Vendor trays of empanadas, lumpia, meatballs, and cornbread.

I'm not complaining about the lumpia though, in general all philipino vendor shit is the motherfuckin bomb! It's so fucking good it outta be illegal. But I took a bite of the empanada and almost threw it up over the table! That was SHIT. Dry fucking pasty ass dough and the inside looked like processed chicken paste, that was also DRY! Dude, the lady who bought it was sittin right next to me and I couldn't even force the garbage down my throat. I had to throw it away right in front of her.

Same with the cornbread. Who in the FUCK fuck's up cornbread? Stupid fucking vendor. I don't know about the meatballs, I didn't try them. In general I'm against vendor meatballs. The meat's never seasoned and I start getting suspicious about where the trays have been.

In fact, most of this stuff I wouldn't have eaten if you paid me to.

McDonalds? Fuck that shit. I will not eat there! I HAD to eat there about two months ago and I thought I was going to puke on the chicken sandwich I bought. I didn't even order fries and still I kept thinking, man, just cuz I haven't eaten in ten hours shouldn't have brought me to this point. Really. I could've lasted til dinner!

One of the most favorite deserts today was banana pudding with Nilla crackers. Remember that recipe on the back of the box?

Yeah, me too. I used to sucker my grandma into making it every chance I got.

But that's not culture. That's commercialism.

I grew up in a house where my mother cooked all the time. For the first ten years of my life we lived with my mom's boyfriend and so my mom cooked food that HE liked.

We ate beef and broccoli, sauerkraut with some kind of meat (I forget) seasoned with beer, tuna salad, home made lemon meringue pies, beef stroganoff (and nothing you get out of box, thank you very much), and mozzaball soup. MMM. Mozzaball soup. By the way, it's not the traditional version, my mom just made something up that LOOKED like mozzaball soup, and so that's what we call it.

Then we went to live with my Nana where I learned to shell gandude beans, peal platinoes, picked ripe tomatoes from the backyard, I learned I hated guava, bacalou, and a fistful of other things Puerto Rican... but sometimes I got the pink cookies I liked from the mercado.

I learned how to make cafe on the stove in a pan and every morning my mom made me Malt o Meal with cinnamon, butter and sugar, which was the best. The absolute best. In the grocery store I had to argue, beg and plead, and even THEN she refused to buy white bread for me.

I may not cook a lot, but I also don't eat this processed shit.

It's fucking disgusting, and Nilla pudding is not cultural. You want culture go to China town, head out to your downtown Super Mercado where they sell bread right along with jeans and prepaid telephone cards.

People become so used to this sugary crap that when they taste food, REAL food, it's bland to them.

But I taste this other shit and, it's JUST gross!

I remember my mom BLASTING the stereo and dancing around the house with tongs and pot holders, barefoot in the kitchen making home made lasagna while some guy sang from the radio about a chick with long white hair that drove him crazy.

I would be watching the hulk and run in to help her stir the salad, grab a beer for the sauerkraut, or run outside, crying and complaining as soon as I smelled the asparagus.

THAT'S culture.

That's history.

Not some shit that nabisco made up for us.

Today I ate things that reminded my taste buds of unpronounceable chemicals, food that screamed FAT once the bland taste coated my mouth, and sugar sugar sugar. Ugg.

I did have some great lumpia though. mmm. Lumpia.


why is blogger's spell checker not working?!