Once Upon A Time Terra Was A Slut
And she slept with a guy she shouldn't have slept with for no other reason than to get back at an ex.
AND BOY DID IT WORK!
HAHAHAHA!
But all sweet rewards of vengeance have their price, as our heroine, Terra, was soon to learn.
You see, he was bad in bed.
Really really tellyourfriendsamillionyearslater handsdownworstlayever bad in bed.
Poor Terra, she kept thinking "this can't be right! No one is this bad! No one!" But finally she had to admit, that yes, he was.
And so the next morning she thought to herself, well. Now that's one thing I never want to do again.
But the boy kept asking to sleep with her again and she kept saying, "No". He would look at her strangely, "Why?"
"Because I said no."
One night they even started to get into a fight over something stupid. The boy was sexually frustrated, and Terra, well Terra's just a bit mean. Their friend Jack ran over, "Now, now, let's stop it before someone's feelings get hurt!"
The boy threw his beer mug down (party foul) and cried, "Who? Her? She has NO feelings!"
and then he wandered away while Terra jumped up on the chair and screamed to his departing back, "YES I DO! I GO HOME AT NIGHT AND I FEEL... FEELINGS AND STUFF!"
Then, while Jack was laughing, Terra wondered who else she could sleep with for revenge, because boy oh boy is revenge sweet and addictive like oktoberfest beer.
Speaking of beer.
Our heroines sitting at a table... with a beer... at another bar... between the boy and Jack. The boy asks her to sleep with him again, because apparently he hasn't heard no enough, Jack says, "Give it up. She's told you no a million times. I don't think she's going to sleep with you".
"Yeah... but I asked a million times before, and ONE time, ONE TIME, she said yes." Then he looks at Terra while Terra takes a long slow sip of her beer and stares in the opposite direction.
Hmm. Our heroine is thinking. What is she thinking of? Warning, she's slightly drunk and a lot purterbed. Oh, wait, she's saying something:
"You know, I would fuck every guy in this bar before I slept with you again."
Jack says, "Whoa. And the bar goes quiet."
Terra takes a long slow sip of beer because her comedic timing is excellent and although, dimly, she realizes that what she just said was horrifically mean, it was also quite funny. So she's acting non chalant. Letting her full funniness sink in and drinking some sweet sweet alcohol when the boy looks at his beer and then back at her, "I'm going to smash this beer right in your face."
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Terra just spit beer across the room and she's choking from trying not to laugh. Now who's funny?
"Seriously, why won't you sleep with me?"
"I don't want to get into this with you."
"Just tell me."
"No. It's mean. And you're annoying me. When I'm annoyed I get extra mean."
"Tell me. I can take it."
Jack leans forward eagerly, "Yeah! Tell me too! Please!!!!"
"No."
The group get into the truck, they start to ride home, the boy grabs her knee, grabs her thigh, she smacks him in the face, "NO".
"Why?"
"Because you are fucking awful in bed!"
Boy is visibly shocked. "What?"
"Fucking awful... shit! Just stop asking!"
"NO! You better tell me this shit now!"
Jack- "YEAH! TELL IT TELL IT TELL IT!"
"Fine you were fucking awful in bed! I made my grocery list during it. I walked funny the next day and NOT IN A GOOD WAY! I have fucking nightmares about it! I don't know WHO EVER SAID you gave them an orgasm, but BOY were they good liars!"
"HEY! I don't remember you doing any thing special in bed either! There were no special olympic tricks or anything!"
"I was TRYING to play DEAD!"
"What?!"
"Well... it works with bears! I thought it would work with you too! BUT IT DIDN'T!"
At which point they almost crash into a sound wall because, Jack, who is driving, is doubled over laughing.
There were some apologetic phone calls the next day,
"eh... look... I had too much to drink... really sorry yada yada yada"
"look, give me another go round, swear I'm not so bad..."
"sorry. No go"
"alrighty... but look, call these girls. I swear... they'll vouch for me."
"sure... sure... will do. Perhaps they liked, that thing, whatever that thing was... that you do."
"yeah... yeah they did"
So Terra got her revenge, and a lot of strange awkwardness at the end. Which really goes to show, if you're going to get even with an ex, sleep with someone that isn't a mutual friend.
Well. No one ever said our heroine was the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The end
AND BOY DID IT WORK!
HAHAHAHA!
But all sweet rewards of vengeance have their price, as our heroine, Terra, was soon to learn.
You see, he was bad in bed.
Really really tellyourfriendsamillionyearslater handsdownworstlayever bad in bed.
Poor Terra, she kept thinking "this can't be right! No one is this bad! No one!" But finally she had to admit, that yes, he was.
And so the next morning she thought to herself, well. Now that's one thing I never want to do again.
But the boy kept asking to sleep with her again and she kept saying, "No". He would look at her strangely, "Why?"
"Because I said no."
One night they even started to get into a fight over something stupid. The boy was sexually frustrated, and Terra, well Terra's just a bit mean. Their friend Jack ran over, "Now, now, let's stop it before someone's feelings get hurt!"
The boy threw his beer mug down (party foul) and cried, "Who? Her? She has NO feelings!"
and then he wandered away while Terra jumped up on the chair and screamed to his departing back, "YES I DO! I GO HOME AT NIGHT AND I FEEL... FEELINGS AND STUFF!"
Then, while Jack was laughing, Terra wondered who else she could sleep with for revenge, because boy oh boy is revenge sweet and addictive like oktoberfest beer.
Speaking of beer.
Our heroines sitting at a table... with a beer... at another bar... between the boy and Jack. The boy asks her to sleep with him again, because apparently he hasn't heard no enough, Jack says, "Give it up. She's told you no a million times. I don't think she's going to sleep with you".
"Yeah... but I asked a million times before, and ONE time, ONE TIME, she said yes." Then he looks at Terra while Terra takes a long slow sip of her beer and stares in the opposite direction.
Hmm. Our heroine is thinking. What is she thinking of? Warning, she's slightly drunk and a lot purterbed. Oh, wait, she's saying something:
"You know, I would fuck every guy in this bar before I slept with you again."
Jack says, "Whoa. And the bar goes quiet."
Terra takes a long slow sip of beer because her comedic timing is excellent and although, dimly, she realizes that what she just said was horrifically mean, it was also quite funny. So she's acting non chalant. Letting her full funniness sink in and drinking some sweet sweet alcohol when the boy looks at his beer and then back at her, "I'm going to smash this beer right in your face."
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Terra just spit beer across the room and she's choking from trying not to laugh. Now who's funny?
"Seriously, why won't you sleep with me?"
"I don't want to get into this with you."
"Just tell me."
"No. It's mean. And you're annoying me. When I'm annoyed I get extra mean."
"Tell me. I can take it."
Jack leans forward eagerly, "Yeah! Tell me too! Please!!!!"
"No."
The group get into the truck, they start to ride home, the boy grabs her knee, grabs her thigh, she smacks him in the face, "NO".
"Why?"
"Because you are fucking awful in bed!"
Boy is visibly shocked. "What?"
"Fucking awful... shit! Just stop asking!"
"NO! You better tell me this shit now!"
Jack- "YEAH! TELL IT TELL IT TELL IT!"
"Fine you were fucking awful in bed! I made my grocery list during it. I walked funny the next day and NOT IN A GOOD WAY! I have fucking nightmares about it! I don't know WHO EVER SAID you gave them an orgasm, but BOY were they good liars!"
"HEY! I don't remember you doing any thing special in bed either! There were no special olympic tricks or anything!"
"I was TRYING to play DEAD!"
"What?!"
"Well... it works with bears! I thought it would work with you too! BUT IT DIDN'T!"
At which point they almost crash into a sound wall because, Jack, who is driving, is doubled over laughing.
There were some apologetic phone calls the next day,
"eh... look... I had too much to drink... really sorry yada yada yada"
"look, give me another go round, swear I'm not so bad..."
"sorry. No go"
"alrighty... but look, call these girls. I swear... they'll vouch for me."
"sure... sure... will do. Perhaps they liked, that thing, whatever that thing was... that you do."
"yeah... yeah they did"
So Terra got her revenge, and a lot of strange awkwardness at the end. Which really goes to show, if you're going to get even with an ex, sleep with someone that isn't a mutual friend.
Well. No one ever said our heroine was the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The end
