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Friday, October 14, 2005 

I'm Moving This Weekend (or, pray a box of books doesn't fall on me and kill me in an avalanche of knowledge)

Did I ever tell you about the time I was stalking the Apple guy? I was totally stalking the Apple guy. He was so cute.

Curly brown hair and black rimmed glasses. He was such a hot computer geek! Yum. I like hot computer geeks. I don’t know why, especially since I’ve never actually gotten to go out with one, but they seem so funny! And laid back! And smart! And hot!

I want a computer geek boy. I want to corrupt him. Hehe.

Anyway, so I was stalking the Apple boy. I went into the white on white Apple store and I was shopping for little gadgets and gizmos to add on to my handy dandy iPod (OK… I might have geek computer tendencies myself) when I walked up to the register and distractedly said, "You know, I’ve read a lot of online chatroom comments about this device and most people say that this company A produces a better product than company B. What have you found?" Which is when I looked up and was like, Whoa. Hottie.

So then he gave me a run down of all of the various products and his opinion.



So then I brought my product and left because I suck at flirting with hot computer geek boys. I get all red and I’m afraid to say anything in case they start mentally calculating my IQ. Damnit.


So I figured that was that, but then I ran into him in a restaurant. He didn’t seem to recognize me and I figured starting up a convo with, "Hi hot Apple boy" probably wasn’t gonna fly. DAMN.

Whatever. Stupid hot boy. I didn’t like him anyway. Then Duckie (blogger friend I met online) says, "Hey! Let’s go over there! I’ll introduce you!"

Umm. No. I’d rather take pics with my camera phone and be barred from the store by security. Much more my style. Hehe.

Except Cindy Lou can’t let sleeping stalkers lie. No she has to mess with it cuz it amuses her! So long after I have forgotten Apple boy she suddenly reminds me about him.

When I’m at the mall.

With my camera phone.

Yeah. So I went. What?!

I’m easily influenced alright?! Sheesh.

So what happens you ask?

Well first off he cut his hair and he’s really not that cute anymore. Just as I decide that I no longer have a crush, and can cease and desist all stalking practices, he say’s "Hello".



I didn’t write this into the scenario.

Shit shit shit! What do I do?!

"Um.. Hi!"

And then I just stand there because I am too stupid to figure out that he’s the MOTHERFUCKING GREETER!

He’s not saying hi to me because he WANT’S TO! HE HAS TO!

So then I ask him about a product and he says he doesn’t carry it.

"Really? You used to."

"Nope, never did."

"But I saw it here."

"Was it at the Palo Alto store?"

"No. It was here."

"No, I’m sure it was at the Palo Alto store."

"No. I’ve never been there."

"Well… where else have you been?"

"Just here."

OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This, for the record, is why I am NOT a man and why I will NEVER EVER EVER attempt to flirt or ask someone out… while sober. I swear to GAWD they would think that I was fucking RETARDED.



I Can't Help You Now - Look, I have two songs on my hard drive that don't have the name 'iTunes' tatooed to their asses, so suck it
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