« Home | » | The Ex Factor » | Even I Don't Know What Goes On In My Head » | Late HNT » | Frustrated » | Dirty Bird (Or other obscure movie quotes) » | Things Women Often Wonder » | Ten Stupid Things That Happened Today That Made Me... » | Every Blog is About a Story, And Every Life is a S... » | Whore Whisperer » 

Thursday, September 15, 2005 

Random Things

Random Thing #1:

Dear Fucking Cunt Licking Whore That I Encountered on the Freeway This Morning,

Eat shit and die.

Also: FYI you goddamn fucking MORON, when I put my turn signal on that means I MIGHT actually want to change lanes! I thought that would be self evident but apparently the peroxide has seeped into your brain! SO, when you see my turn signal and DECIDE to fucking speed up (that’s right you stupid fucking bitch, I SAW YOU FUCKING HESITATE INDICATING TO ME THAT YOU KNEW FULL WELL I WAS TRYING TO CHANGE LANES) YES, I did merge anyway causing you to slam on your brakes.


I wish I had brake checked you and made you eat your steering wheel.

I was not going to miss my exit and be late for my meeting JUST so you could say, "haha". Fuck off.

So great, now I know you know how to use your horn and YOU know I know how to use my middle finger.



Random Thing #2:

On the bottom of my snapple cap is this thing called Real Fact #3

Beavers can hold their breath for 45 minutes.

Which made me wonder several things.

First of all, what are real facts 1 and 2?

Real Fact #1: We realize that you are stupid and have tried to enhance your intelligence with random stupid facts.

Real Fact #2: We know that you have tried to kill beavers before and so are just trying to help you out… after all. You are stupid. You might just try and drown them.

Random Thing #3:

I spend over three hundred dollars a month on gas commuting to work 3-4 hours a day in traffic that makes me go postal. So don’t EVER EVER fucking ask me what my goddamn motherfucking problem is unless you want to see my head spin and watch me spit green vomit.

Random Thing #4:

I’ve been dumped for swearing too much, and laughing too much, and acting more like a friend than a girlfriend. Which made me wonder what the fuck he was complaining about. I mean, it’s not like I’m swearing at church! Anyway, things I thought about while screaming obscenities on the freeway this morning but laughing a second later. Hehe. I’m all cool and shit.

Random Thing #5:

I’ve been a real bitch lately, saying mean shit to EVERYONE and thinking it was funny.

Last night I told my mom that it was time I introduce her to the fist of death.

Haha. That still cracks me up.

Anyway, if I’ve said or written anything shitty to you lately, off the top of my head I can think of at least five people, I totally apologize. I didn’t mean it, and I wasn’t even in a bad mood. I’ve just been ornery and more loud mouthed than usual.

In fact, I laughed while saying it/writing it, and only later did it occur to me that what I said was kinda fucked up. I’m stupid like that.