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Monday, September 05, 2005 

Every Blog is About a Story, And Every Life is a Story, So Let's Just Get Personal Why Don't We?

Jimmy is one of my very best friends and he always will be.

He was there the night I tried to drink myself to death, he watched me bang my head into a wall and he helped me up the hill when I became incoherent. Things I've learned? Love sucks.

He picked me up the day I came that close to killing myself on the freeway and had to be pulled out of my vehicle through the passenger door because the driver's side wasn't working.

I almost broke up with a guy who didn't want me to be friends with Jimmy any longer and I will break up with any one foolish enough to give me that ultimatum ever again.

This, is the type of friend I am.

This, is the type of friend Jimmy is.

Saturday night we had an annual date night to celebrate his birthday and the short month where he will be older than me. Oh Jimmy, you are so old and decrepit now! Ha!

Until I am the same age again. At which time he becomes in his prime.

So on Saturday we met up for dinner and I realized something. Jimmy might just be in love with me. I don't know. Which is to say, I'm not really sure, but here is where my suspicions come in to play.

Jimmy always opens doors for me, car, store, house, etc.

Jimmy has an exceptionally hard time allowing me to pay for anything. In fact, the end of date night ended up with a game of pool and an argument over me paying. Whatever. It was his birthday for crying out loud!

He deliberately threw a couple of games of pool to allow me to win. So I deliberately threw a few too, and eventually he finally won.

He noticed my new hair color. Jimmy ALWAYS notices my new hair styles. Always. Even when no one else does.

He dislikes any one that dates me that doesn't treat me with utmost respect. No, he won't chew them out or go town on them (he doesn't believe in relationship interference) but after all these years I can now tell when he is displeased. To tell the truth, he's always right.

He walks me around puddles and holds branches out of my way or sits on barb wires so I can step over easier.

Which could all be chalked up to being a gentleman. Guys, take note, these things really make most women melt. Except I realized while talking about the latest girls that he is dating, he might not really do this for any one else.

The latest girl bought him cigarettes, filled up his gas tank etc. Which he thought was funny. Jimmy has never ever taken anything from me or allowed me to pay for anything. Another girl texted him during the meal and he called her a whore. We laughed, it wasn't said in a mean way.

When we talked about the different guys I had recently been talking to I could tell instantly that he wanted me to stop talking to one that I said made me uneasy and he liked the one that was very respectful. Even though I don't like him. Actually I don't really like any one I've talked to recently. Nope, the one I like is the one that may or may not know I'm alive. Typical. He also reminded me of some self defense moves... that might have involved the use of a knife. Hehe. Jimmy's funny.

He's also one of my exes very best friends.

I dated the ex for three years and so Jimmy knows me in ways that most others don't. He's seen me in love, he's seen me be the faithful devoting (gag) girlfriend, the cool girlfriend who was one of the group (YAY I am so COOL), and when we broke up he watched both of us dying. Let mine and the exes break up go down as one of the most heart wrenching things I've ever survived. Because it was.

For clarification, I think if Jimmy is in love with me, it is some sort of idol worship love, and not anything close to the real thing. I am some combination of hot tomboy, "one of the boys" girl, little sister, and the best friends ex.

And what is Jimmy to me? Jimmy is lying in Niles creek, young and drunk with a crowd of people in similar conditions in the dead of night hoping the police don't stumble upon us. Jimmy is car chases, police chases, and mother's running out of their house screaming because I (that's right me) just did a ten foot long burnout in front of their house while trying to learn how to do a brake stand in a stick. So fucking hard by the way.

I will never forget the time I saw Jimmy throw a fire extinguisher at his burning car or the day he cried and told me "I'm not embarrassed. It takes a real man to cry Terra. How can that be embarrassing?"

Jimmy is my friend... nothing more.

And also now my back up. If neither one of us are married at 35 the plan is to marry one another. This was the hair brained scheme we concocted while staring at a "divorce for $299" sign across from the pool hall. Vegas on our 35th birthdays and a marriage contract for two years so no one can tell us how stupid we were for getting married and thus becoming even bigger losers than people who never get married at all.

We better get married before that though (to other people of course) because I can tell you right now I probably won't love Jimmy anymore when our last names are the same. He'll start some crap about me washing dishes and doing laundry, he'll stop opening doors and standing on rugs while I vacuum them and before you know it I will have killed him while he slept. Or ate dinner. Or watched TV. Really. I can strike at any time. I'm crazy irrational like that.

Idol worship only works from afar... and as you dear readers know, I am many things, but not perfect.


I Can't Help You Now - Look, I have two songs on my hard drive that don't have the name 'iTunes' tatooed to their asses, so suck it
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