Chronicles of Madness

So I’m looking at my pill pack and it occurs to me that I MIGHT just be premenstrual. But you know what else occurs to me? That everyone is so fucking retarded that there aren’t enough yellow buses, velcro shoes, or helmets to go round. Seriously, how in the fuck do most people remember to BREATHE? GAH! I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE.

I hate, hate, HATE those idiots you occasionally have to interact with who can’t understand shit. Really, you could draw them a little fucking diagram with a stick figure holding a sign with their name on it, and they still wouldn't realize that the stick figure, falling out an open window, on flames, with little x’s for eyes, while another stick figure holding a sign with my name on it laughing maniacally, means I’M GOING TO KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

Listen shit for brains, why in the fuck do you ask me to do something, talk about the weather, go back to asking me to do something, get distracted by a shiny object, mention a lot of jargon that not even you yourself fully understand, and then walk away without ever giving me the specifics of the project?

Answer, because you're stupid.

Yeah, I get it. I’m supposed to chase after you and ask a bunch of questions which you will answer while over-enunciating every word so that it is made clear that I’M the idiot, you’ll then write me a follow up email re-explaining everything and CC my boss, just so we know, I’M retarded, but guess what? I’m losing the ability to care. When you don’t give me proper instructions I’m filled with a rage that makes it a great time to go to lunch. L-U-N-C-H.

I pronounce things slowly because I can’t process big words, like 'lunch', or 'I quit'.

If I could perhaps I wouldn’t have had to draw so many fucking diagrams for you.

Oh look, I’m venting.

Also, why in the fuck do I have cheese on my burger? I said no cheese. NO. I thought 'no' meant the same thing in about a brazillion other languages but perhaps it doesn’t? Perhaps I was supposed to yell, 'NO FUCKING CHEESE PLEASE'? Because everyone knows when speaking to stupid people you should speak loudly and use curse words.

And why in the fuck is everyone always getting on my case, “You know Terra, I think you really hate people and have some deepseated issues.” ?

Fuck off before I smack you in your fat smug face. So apparently I have ‘deep seated’ issues because I can make accurate observations of what fucking pieces of shit most people are?

OH EXCUSE ME FOR BEING OBSERVANT.

And you know what? When I smack you I’m not going to give you any warning, because people like you piss me the fuck off. Oh look at you acting as if your shit doesn’t stink, cuz it does! Your shit stinks! Your shit stinks worse than mine ever will, because I don’t go through life acting like I’m hopped up on uppers and give money to church every fucking Sunday right before I go visit my grandmother, who I hate, but that's besides the point. The point is, at least I’m honest. I’m honest about my hatred and frustration and I fully admit that I’m not perfect so go fuck yourself.

And that comment I made eight years ago that if someone works at taco bell, has a fucking attitude, and STILL can’t get my order right they should be marched straight into a gas chamber so that I don’t have to pay for their foodstamps and their five illegitimate children from five different (and possibly unidentified) men or women? Yeah. I stand by that still. Because FUCK! IT’S TACO FUCKING BELL! If you can’t get this shit right how in the fuck do you deserve to live?

FUCK YOU!

I take my motherfucking birth control, I go to fucking work, I learned how to read AND tie my shoes but I’m supposed to pick up the slack for people who are unable to work, not because they’re mentally or physically handicapped, but because they have a personality so lazy and repugnant that they refuse to go to a place of work where they can’t scratch themselves and say fuck to the customers?

Someone should stab you. Repeatedly. Not that you’re reading this. You’re probably holding your white baby named Shan-te, wearing green contacts, and waiting for the bus with your home girl, Mo Mo, while you talk about the latest shiat your man pulled.

I hope someone drives their truck into you.

Oh wait, I’m sorry. That wasn’t politically, or even economically, correct. Without you who would work at burger king? Without your man who would I pick up on the street corner to dig a ditch in front of my house?

Oh. I know. Honest hard working people. Listen, I go to Taco Bell and drive past the corner all the time. There are a lot of hardworking people out there struggling to support their family. Cheers to them.

Unfortunately there are also a bunch of attitude-giving-drain-on-society lazy fucks that deserve to die more than they deserve a free bus pass. Girl, you don’t need that bus pass, what you need is to find out why Shan-te be so white when his daddyz name is Gomez. Shiat.

And San Franciscans? Don’t even get me started on that shit. Bunch of uppity motherfuckers so in love with themselves that they’re all gay because they’re all fucking themselves. What the fuck is up with them? Every time they go to another city they always have to point out, 'Oh, well in MY town…'

Listen. I don’t give a fuck what kind of poodles you carry around in your purse in the Castro. I really really don’t. I also don’t give a fuck that you’re too good for fast food joints, major chains, and homes that have more than six inches between them.

Listen carefully, let me enunciate this correctly so you can understand

I

DON’T

GIVE

A

FUCK

How can a city be so fucking self involved that a majority of it’s citizens don’t realize that there are a gang of men roaming the streets with so much gel in their hair they get stuck to passing walls, are over 40, dressed like they’re 20, and still talking about BIG LOVE.

Listen you fucking little boys, no one cares that you can’t find the perfect woman, the perfect woman found a man that didn’t have maturity issues 10 years ago and she’s currently at home feeding their 2.5 children.

Fine you’re never going to grow the fuck up, fine you live in a fucking studio and work at Hollywood Video, could you at least have the dignity to admit you’re a fucking loser?

L-O-S-E-R

And no, I don’t care that your shoes cost more than my entire outfit because I rent my own apartment, have a car, and A REAL JOB, where people don’t constantly end every statement with, “Oh dude, I’m so fucking high”.

You know what the Irishman did for me for our six month anniversary? He went to the ballgame… with his friend. While they were in the stands he turned to his friend and said, “I think my girlfriend is pissed at me…” and you know what his friend said? “Girls are so fucking stupid.”

All this was relayed to me so that I might fully understand my own stupidity at actually thinking I would spend my six month anniversary WITH SOMEONE. You know. Other than my cats. Never mind the fact that his friend has a go nowhere do nothing job, smokes pot constantly, and makes so many midnight trips to AM/PM that he literally worships it. Not kidding. He loves AM/PM food. No way he goes there for gas because, wait for it, HE DOESN’T OWN A CAR.

Geez, I wonder why he’s single? Perhaps it’s because he lives in San Francisco and is constantly surrounded by so many retarded people that it doesn’t occur to him he’s drooling?

Not that I’m bitter. Really, far from it. I’m calm, I’m serene, I’m better than great, I’m well adjusted.