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Friday, June 23, 2006 

I Like You, From a Distance

Lot's of people say they hate people, but I actually do.

I really really fucking hate them. I would say that at least 80 percent of the population bugs the shit out of me and if I took the time out of my day to pay attention to their senseless blatherings I would wish instantaneous death upon them all.

I'm not kidding.

You know that person in your group of friends that you all make fun of when they're not around, but secretly deep down you know you keep them around because you actually like them?

Well I don't.

I could give a shit if they died tomorrow.

The only reason I don't mouth off and tell them how we make fun of them behind their back is because I'm sure all the other people who proclaim mass hatred as well would suddenly turn fucking PC and be like, "Oh GOD! Terra's just JOKING!!! Aren't you Terra?!"

I speak with some self confidence because this has actually happened to me... more than once.

And the worst part is, I'm only forced to be a somewhat decent person because society demands it. Which is so fucking stupid it's beyond belief. Look, I'll help you pick up the pen you dropped, yell at the burglar trying to rob you, but don't, do not, I repeat myself, DO NOT SUBJECT ME TO YOUR WEIRD FUCKING QUIRKS, because news flash, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

Case in point, O comes into town from Ohio. At first I thought this was a flight from Egypt type scenario, but no she declares it 'a visit'.

As in she's going back to Ohio.



So the morning she's to fly out we walk to a local bakery. We grab some coffee, banana bread, etc., sit and talk about boring girly stuff. Then I get up to find a napkin, out of the corner of my eye I see a man (who turns out to be a girl thanks to San Francisco's dressing attire) get up, walk over to the seat next to mine, and straighten the chair.

Okay, I'm a little bit bugged.

What?! Is my fucking presence so bothersome to you that you feel the need to straighten the chair next to mine as if I'm some clumsy rude patron?

Then I sighed. Counted to ten. I didn't want my horrible temper to ruin such a nice morning.

I sat back down, careful not to disturb the chair the she-male had so obnoxiously righted. After we finished O got up to return our utensils while I straightened our chairs (take that BITCH). My chair slid easily in but O's did not. Hrm.

Well, never mind, I turned, caught up with O and walked out of the store. But 'curiosity killed the ol' cat'-me had to look back, and that's when I saw She-male pick up O's chair and return it to the other side of the table, where apparently it had always belonged.

Okay, how in the fuck were we supposed to know that?! We didn't move the fucking chair, she's not the fucking owner, operator, or even barely paid cashier, and why, if she's so fucking OCD, couldn't she at least have some kind of fucking congnizance to the fact that she's FUCKING INSANE, instead of walking around acting like her upper lip smells like shit?!

Oh my god I was so fucking pissed that if I had been alone I would've walked back in and rearranged all the fucking chairs just to watch that bitch piss herself.

Fine. Breathe.

Second scenario?

On my break Tonie calls me and I'm chatting about my nightmare on IT street

"I had to go through a million subdirectories and at the end he informs me that I have to train everyone else. LOL, couldn't he have told me that in the beginning?" (Yes, I'm making fun of myself)

You get it, completely mundane shit. I'm on my break, I'm getting a soda, I'm literally in the fucking elevator for two flights and when the door opens the bitch in the elevator turns to me and says, "thanks for the phone booth."

Just as I was stepping out I narrowed my eyes, paused with one foot still inside and turned to look at her.

It's one of those split seconds when you're completely weighing your options, to kill or not to kill.

Just for the record, I have chewed out complete strangers in the elevator. At work. And I don't give a shit.

Anyway, at the last moment I decided to let it slide. Mostly because I had Tonie on the phone and I didn't feel like having a witness that I actually know view my flash temper.

Except that after I got off of the elevator I just got madder and madder. To the point where if it had been a different situation I would have backtracked and asked miss manners where in the fuck she gets off?

I wasn't talking about anything innappropriate, nor was I at a movie theater, diner, or museum. It's a FUCKING ELEVATOR AND I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT MY CLIT RING.

I've been in the work elevator where a co-worker was making out with her boyfriend, now that I'm sure crosses some kind of line, but I didn't say, 'thanks for the porn show' when my floor came up.

Basically, I hate people who sit around all fucking judgy.

Ooh look at me, I'm so perfect and my shit doesn't stink therefore I must go out of my way and point out how others are such worthless pieces of shit.

(wait... sudden moment where the pot realizes that it might be black as well)

Sorry, had a dangerously close moral moment, but I've shooken it off now. Woo! Close call!

So last night the Irishman and I are playing a game called, 'Let's freak the shit out of each other' where we plan our wedding.

We have three options, one, run the fuck away and no one comes.

We both like this one, but I want the big party and pretty dress. I'm pretty sure this means I have to invite hordes of people I despise so I'm sort of on the fence.

Two, small wedding at a privately owned estate of one of my relatives. Now I get the pretty dress, big party AND I get to offend all the people I don't invite. DOUBLE SCORE! The Irishman shoots this one down, apparently he has something against insulting his relatives.

Third, big stupid wedding with lots of big stupid people and we get to take out a second mortgage on our souls to pay for the whole shebang. There's one catch, I don't have a soul.

At any rate, while compiling the list he turns to me and asks, "What about this person?"

"No, I hate them."

"Okay, what about them?"

"I hate them too."

"But they're your cousins."

"So? Fuck 'em. Accident of birth."


I Can't Help You Now - Look, I have two songs on my hard drive that don't have the name 'iTunes' tatooed to their asses, so suck it
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