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Tuesday, January 03, 2006 

The Five Minute Post

(or, I have to get back to work)

Last week I had massive IT issues, meaning, I couldn't access shit. I couldn't post, I couldn't comment, and even haloscan was blocked.

Also, all those cool rad ass pics you posted up on your web? Yeah. Loved the little red x. It was so great.


So I have lots of funny stuff to say. Really.

I'm a funny person!


Oh? I'm gone a week and now you don't give a shit about me?!

That's just fucked up.


two minutes left.

Okay, so it's been the month of weird dreams. For a month I've been dreaming about all my exes in some random rotation.

Almost all of the dreams follow the typical format:

A: We're back together, and I actually like him this time round.

B: We're back together and I'm freaking out cuz I still hate him.

C: We're not back together, but now he has money and I'm trying to convince myself to give him a second chance.

So far, four different exes on the rotation.


So, let's add in two more dreams, you know, as long as we're on a roll.

Dream 1:

I'm at petco with the new puppy, my boyfriend and his dog, which happens to be a dalmation. One of the dogs goes crazy and I hand him the leash, thinking, "God, it's so great to have an extra set of hands." It's a very, comfy cozy relationship type of feeling, and then I notice he looks so much like my ex that he HAS to be my ex. This pisses me off until he opens up his mouth, starts talking, and doesn't annoy me.


My ex was stupid. Wait. Cancel that out. Retarded.

I know, that sounds mean huh?

But he was.

I think I had to explain a knock knock joke to him once. When we were together all of my humor was followed by his blank stare.

So in the dream I start wondering, how can this be my ex when he's actually holding a conversation of some intelligence?

And then suddenly I realize, OH, this isn't my ex, but a metaphor for my next boyfriend. My next boyfriend will obviously have some of the traits I loved about the retarded ex, BUT, be able to hold a conversation.

I realized this in the dream. Weird huh?

Dream Two:

I'm getting married to one of my dad's best friends (not so sick because the guys only 16 years older than me, but sick because, yuck, my dad's friend?) and it's the day of the wedding.

I have a group of photographers milling around and I am absolutely paranoid that they're going to fuck everything up and take horrible pictures that will make me throw up later, except I'm too busy to micro manage. Small crisis.

I say small because I am relatively calm in the dream.

This strikes me as strange because I've never had a wedding dream that isn't a nightmare.

So the new husband comes over to take a photograph with me, and poses horribly. When I try to redirect him he informs me that he is a photo buff, and knows better than I do, so he refuses to take the picture.

Then he wanders off.

As the wedding winds down we're both super tired and he informs me that he's going home, he'll meet up with me the next day.

We change and my gown and his tux lay, deflated and glowing, on a hotel bed while I go to dinner with my parents, where, apparently, I have a suicide pact with them!

We're all super calm as we eat and prepare to take our little blue pills, and although I don't want to actually kill myself, and my parent's say that I don't have to if I don't want to, I feel obligated since I've already made the commitment.

I keep thinking that if only the new husband loved me, or paid the slightest bit of attention to me, I'd have a reason to back out. But he didn't and/or doesn't. So the dream ends with me awkwardly agreeing to kill myself.


Calmest wedding dream I've ever had (that might suggest some of my commitment phobia is finally going away) and I kill myself at the end.