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Friday, September 16, 2005 

Here's My Rant for the Day, If I Had a Rant, But I Don't. At Least Not One I'm Willing to Fess Up To

Olivia got married in the middle of butt fuck no where, aka, Canton Ohio. Some bitch I don't know (Not her real name, and only named this because she was there and I wasn't) stood up as her bridesmaid.

I wasn't there... her best friends FOREVER.

Neither were her sisters, her parents, cousins, etc.

This is what happens when you move to Ohio and get married. No one comes. I blame Ohio.

Anyway, so she's supposed to get married with her and her now husband's family present in Las Vegas early next year.

Except when I talk to her this morning she no longer wants to get remarried with everyone present because of the three girls that went to the wedding.

Girl A went home and told her live-in boyfriend that has never I said "I love you to her" that he doesn't understand how much she loves him. She said, "I'm not asking for a ring, I'm not asking for marriage right away, but I need to know this is heading there."

Girl B went home and talked non-stop about getting married until her BF asked what was up and she responded, "What do you mean what's up? Everyone I know is getting married, do you really think it's surprising that it's on my mind, 'when am I getting married'". By the way, the bf is apparently world class loser.

Girl C pointed to Les (Olivia's husband) and kept talking about how he was everything she wanted. Everything.

Jealousy is just eating them up raw and now every time Olivia goes to work she has to listen to them bitch.

None of these girls are older than 24 I think. None.

And part of me is mad at them and sad for them all at the same time. Olivia and Les have been together for SEVEN YEARS people. SEVEN! And a lot of them were not happy. Not at all. I love Olivia to death but I have to admit, yes reluctantly because I love her like hell and have forgiven her everything because she is so darn cute smart and adorable, that growing up she was one of the most blithely self centered people I have ever met. She used to hurt people all the time with her casualness and so her and Les had quite a hard time while they were both growing up.

Les knew how to cut her down with a word and so he did.

She wrote I hate you notes on his windows in red lipstick until she ran out of tubes in her purse and then she kicked the side of the house ineffectually.

He cut up her stuff and taped it to his garage door.

She gave him his stuff back and "accidentally" included a pair of underwear that wasn't his.

He wrote her an email that reduced her to a blog of self doubting hating gelatin goo.

So they took a two and a half year break where they grew up, became repentant, and learned that it always came back to them.

Not that the reunion was all peaches and cream either. They had to learn how to get past the past and some days I know they still struggle with that.

But they're happy now. They're better than good now, they're great. Sometimes great things take lots and lots of work. They get that, they understand that. And I am glad because I know that with how hard they have worked to make this work, there is nothing that can ever happen that they wouldn't be able to face. After seven years they know what it's like to live with one another day in, day out. They know routine gets boring, that some weeks stretch out so monotonously that you forget that you love each other and instead begin to see each other as a piece of furniture. A fixture.

I listen to her and wonder if I could ever have that much faith in someone else's imperfections. In my own. And I don't know. I come up blank.

These girls don't understand that. Or at least I don't think that they do.

But I do know this, to watch Olivia get married would not be about "ooh I want that someday! I want to wear a white dress and be the center of attention too!" It would be about meeting her when I was thirteen, getting Jason in trouble for talking too much. We always talked and, eventually when he finally chimed in with ONE word, he would be the one that got in trouble. The one that got detention. Poor Jason.

He was so hot. But soo soo dumb.

Watching her get married would be about remembering all the times she called me up crying because someone didn't respect how beautiful she was and instead of cherishing that they stomped all over her. She cried a lot. Even before she met Les. We were young. There might have been hormones involved.

Her getting married is us growing up.

For all of us. Her sisters, her parents, god time is precious you know?

And I know that more and more of late I am the only single girl at the wedding. I know that. I look around and it is glaringly obvious.

But half the time I know the couple and so I know that there marriage has a snowballs chance in hell of surviving. Why would I want that? And other times, like in Olivia's case, I know them intimately enough to know that my life has never followed a timeline that would allow me to be in that situation.

I'm not sad. I'm just realistic.

I have never dated anyone that I would like to be married to right now. In fact, if I had been stupid enough/drunk enough to marry them I probably would've gnawed through my own leg to gain freedom.

So, if I were going to rant it would be about this.

I hate people who hear me say, "I would like to find someone nice that I'm compatible with" and translate it into, she is 26 lonely and desperate.

I hate people who say, "I am (such and such age) and so depressed that I am single". When they say this I hear, "anybody single should be ashamed and sad" and suddenly I think that everyone looks at me with pity. What? Am I pitiful? WTF? Did I miss the fucking memo or WHAT!? I especially hate this when the person talking is younger than me.

I hate it when forty year old single and never married women say that I remind them of themselves at that age. Ok, I love these women. They're gorgeous, funny, outspoken and all. But.. I don't know. I would like to think by then I would've found someone able to put up with my crazy ass.

I hate people who think of marriage as some kind of fairytale thing and throw the word love around like "wash". As in "I need to wash my car" "You should wash the dishes" "We just met five minutes ago but I love you. Let's get married".

Is life a timer and I just don't get it? Is everybody's timer going off, "ding you are now 25. Time to get married" and I just don't know it? Did my timer go off but thanks to the fact that Puerto Ricans scream every single sentence I'm deaf and I just didn't hear it?

Wait... this post got sidetracked and I don't know how.

Oh yeah. I hate those girls.


I Can't Help You Now - Look, I have two songs on my hard drive that don't have the name 'iTunes' tatooed to their asses, so suck it
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