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Monday, May 02, 2005 

Proceed With Caution


Some guy told me I had the cutest freckles he had ever seen.

So I asked him what the fuck he was doing close enough to my face to notice random shit like that?

Seriously. Fuck. Step off.

Here's the thing, and you gotta love psych class for informing me of random useful statistics that I can now annoy everyone with, I've got something called personal space.

So do you.

So does everyone.

US citizens have a personal space of three feet, some countries have five, some have two, but in either case step into someones bubble and you're pretty much guaranteed to piss them the fuck off.

These are things that I use to annoy people. Also, if you happen to step into my bubble and I have to back up more than twice, do not be suprised if I suddenly interrupt the conversation with the following sentences, "Hey. Buddy. This is my space (arms extend to illustrate the boundaries). That is yours. Now... go back to yours." Right. Fucking. Now. Retard. Before I throw my drink in your face you fucking commie bastard.

Do you think I'm lying?

I'm not.

I've done this.

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I hate "close talkers" they really piss me off. Just act like you have terrets and start throwing punches at random. That will keep them away.

But you can't blame him, those are some pretty cute freckles. Reminds me of my sisters Starwberry Shortcake doll. Wouldn't it be cool to smell like Strawberries all the time? That would put those Herbal Essence fuckers out of business for sure! Imean, it would be cool for chicks, not dudes. That's what I meant.

Careful. If you go off on the guy, there always remains the question of "What if he sees you like that and DIGS IT?"

He gets too close, step in closer. Whisper breathily into his ear in that low voice. Make sure he feels your breath. This will distract him while you carefully pour the drink from your cup down the back of his pants.

If he still wants you after that, why not give it a shot?

I generally tell them "this is my personal bubble." and then go on a rant about my invisible personal bubble. By the end of it, they think I'm crazy and leave me alone.

Duckie- I have the best story about a close talker! He was a salesperson and couldn't sell a thing, for obvious reasons. Ha, it was hilarious watching the customers try to run away from him.

Badpatty- So what you're saying is date retarded people. Hmm. Well, all the others managed to escape so...

Fishy- HA! I do the same thing. A couple of guys a know still tell me, "oh. I'm sorry. Am I in your 'personal bubble'? Let me back up" and then they stand about five feet from me and start yelling to keep the conversation going.

Those guys are assholes.

I like the freckles, I have freckles too and when I was little my mom used to tell me that they were sunshine kisses (which of course I passed on to everyone I met that mentioned my freckles).

FRECKLES ROCK!!!!! Wow the word freckles starts to look weird the more you write it...freckles, freckles, freckles....

my personal space is 30 feet and 9 inches..if you know what i mean.

I like to slowly creep closer and closer to girls when I talk to them. I usually do this when the converstation is boring and I don't want to talk with them anymore.

It's funny to see the lady give you weird looks when you start getting a little too close for comfort. The conversation either ends with them creeped out or wanting to get a little closer still, but that closeness usually doesn't involve too much talking either.

When it comes to guys, I think everyone should wear a hoolahoop, just to make sure no one invades that space.

Mishka- frecklesfrecklesfreckles. Ha. I hate my freckles, but only because they recieve comments. Same reason I hate my dimples.

Blog Ho- 30 feet and nine inches huh? Dang... I knew there was a reason I read your blog.

DANE- YOU'RE BACK!

I thought you were dead

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