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Friday, April 22, 2005 

In The Light Of Day

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

You called me up last night and said you wanted to see me again. As if years hadn't passed, as if you hadn't been married and had a child in the interim, as if you and your new wife, now ex-wife, hadn't made me sign a paper promising never to talk to you again.

And our convo made me laugh, made me cry, made me hate you and love you all at the same time.

But it was a bittersweet kind of love and a funny kind of hatred... I forgave you a long time ago.

You told me you loved me still and I laughed saying, "You only loved me because I took your shit". And you laughed too, replying, "Terra you never took my shit. Do you think it's easy talking to you? It's not. It never was. You're so tiring, you never let me get away with my BS, always called me on it. And you always gave back as good as you got. Fuck you latina women and your temper". I smiled even though we were talking about bad things. I smiled because humor is the gift of forgiveness and when I laughed it wasn't filled with bitterness.

I love you silly boy and I miss you like hell, but I let you go a long time ago along with the dream that was us. I'm not the girl I was and I'll never quite be the girl you want me to be... and I'm aware that it works both ways. Once upon a time you made me laugh so hard I almost threw up, but you also made me cry twice as hard.

And so this is what I plan on telling you when you call again tonight: goodbye, goodluck, farewell. Be a good father, make better choices in wives and for what it's worth, if wishes were horses beggars would ride and I could give every little girl in the world a pony with all the wishes I wished for you.

Love,
Me

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i gotta use that horses and beggars shit.. too cool.

Sometimes you have to let the one you really love go.

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