Chronicles of Madness

(And other rants and raves from Craigslist)

Okay, I'm single, female, and somewhat attractive. Attractive enough to have guys honk on horns, ask me out in, somewhat, admittedly, dimly lit bars, and sure, that might not exactly be 'proof' that I'm attractive, but for fucks sake, just take my word for it.

And so what if I occasionally surf the personals? I don't think that exactly qualifies me for loser status as I don't do it while surfing online ads to add to my ever growing cat collection. Fine, I'll admit it; mostly I'm on here to see if any of my friends have their picture up. Because I'm THAT kind of friend.

But what has stopped me from ever replying to any of these ads, drives me to want to tear out my hair, kick kittens, and scrape my nails down a chalk board??? What in the FUCK is up with people advertising their fucking stupidity on-line for all to see? For fuck's sake, learn some propriety, get some modesty, look up the phrase 'saving face'!

Got a foot fetish? Fine, I don't give a rats ass, just please, fucking please, spell 'foot' right. It has 2 'o's. TWO. And there's a difference between 'your' and 'you're' A BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE. They are not, in any way, interchangeable. No matter what you think. Also, note how I didn't spell 'No' 'Know'. Also not interchangeable. I don't care if you typed it while you were wearing your hat backwards and grabbing the crotch of your baggy jeans because, surprisingly enough, I haven't been impressed by that particular brand of machismo since, umm, high school. Yeah. That's pretty much when the fantasy ended.

Also, when you spell 'goda' in place of 'got to' not only is it bad fucking grammar but it suggests to me that while you've heard this particular combination of words before, and have a somewhat hazy understanding of what they might actually mean, you do not in fact have any knowledge of the words that they are actually referring to.

Got
To

See? Two distinctly separate words. TWO.

Run on sentences I can, quite obviously, forgive. However, the BLATANT advertisement that osmosis, at the very least, has failed to teach you proper grammar (for example: I very funny. Cue internal gagging) and/or how to spell owl (not oul) then I give up. I fucking give up. I have to go. I have a harsh word or two to exchange with my biology teacher on the issue of natural selection.