You All My Bitches
So that's it. I've gone gangsta. I'm not exactly up on all the lingo but so far I've learned that popping a cap in someone's ass is apparently not a friendly gesture.
My bad.
Last weekend the Irishman and I decided to go to a movie, he picked two movies, I picked two movies, we each cancelled out one of the other's choices, we flipped a coin, and then before we even looked at the quarter we decided, fuck it. Let's just go see Dream Girls instead. Life's about compromises, and Beyonce's ass.
But then we missed the movie's start time so what does the Irishman do? What does the fucking bitch ass Irishman do? He turns to me and says
AND SAYS
'Let's go see The Holiday instead'
(My internal response) What the fuck, are you a FAG?? Holiday? Fucking shit ass Holiday? I would kill myself instead! I would kill small children instead! I would bang my head into the cold ass cement instead.
(My external response) hrm. Um. Hrm. I dunno know, why don't we go see Alpha Dog instead? I heard Justin Timberlake's pretty good.
Irishman- Yeah... but I don't have a good feeling about that movie. I think I should take you to a chick flick for once, like a good boyfriend.
(My internal response) CARS IS NOT A CHICK FLICK! STRANGER THAN FICTION IS NOT A CHICK FLICK! TALLAFUCKINGDEGA NIGHTS IS NOT A CHICK FLICK! The Notebook fucking kill me now is a chick flick. Whatever movie with Reese Witherspoon that my mother tried to drag me to, chick flick. Japanese martial arts movies, Will Ferrell movies, Children of Men, NOT CHICK FLICKS. Mental note: Create a graph... possibly involving checklists for him to reference.
(My external response) Uhm. Okay then. The Holiday it is... I guess.
Anyway, the point of this story is that we walked out of The Holiday within five minutes after I had already started figuring out ways to track down and kill the writers, went in to see Alpha Dog and totally loved it. Okay, so Justin Timberlake's Dick in a Box was hilarious, but the guy can seriously act. And the movie was based on a true story, so if I had actually cried at the end it would have been acceptable... especially if I were PMS'ing.
Which I was.
But that doesn't mean I cried.
Only people with hearts cry.... and I sold mine for some drugs. So there.
