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Monday, July 31, 2006 

Dog Lover

Any one who advises you to get a dog hates your guts. They look at you, with your nice clean and orderly life, and they hate you.

They hate your clean floors, your carefree life, your shoes sitting there all nice and gleamy sporting no teeth marks living a nice long healthy life, and they think, "How can I fuck that up?"

And for a while you think, 'Oh dogs are nice, dogs are fun!' But then you count up how much the dog costs you, how many shoes it's chewed up, how many times you've had to rent a carpet cleaner, and you think


But it's too late. Now you love the stupid dog. The stupid dog that licks your feet, trips you while you're going downstairs, and gives himself blowjobs constantly.

Yes, yes you love that dog who's breath suspiciously smells like cum and it just makes you realize, you have no standards whatsoever.


I Can't Help You Now - Look, I have two songs on my hard drive that don't have the name 'iTunes' tatooed to their asses, so suck it
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