Part One, Part Two, Part... oh fuck it. I talk too much
I bought a trampoline.
Wait.
Rephrase.
I bought the trampoline from hell.
At night I hear it whispering, "sell me your soul Terra."
Which is funny, because I traded my soul a couple years back for a chocolate bar.
hmm.
Apparently soul sucking trampoline didn't get the memo.
I would jump up and down on the trampoline to express my rage... but wouldn't that just be ironic?
also, I CAN'T jump up and down on the trampoline because I can't get the piece of mother fucking shit ball trampoline from lets-fuck-terra-without-warning/lube-hell together!
ARRR!
arrr? cool. apparently I'm an angry pirate now.
So this trampoline so far has
- tossed me across the room
- knocked me on my ass
- bit me
- hurt my foot
- and also knocked me on my head
I had to call in reinforcements, who also couldn't get the piece of shit to snap into place. Here's a direct quote:
"We have to be misreading the directions to put this thing together."
"We're not. I've read this thing back and forth, upside down even. We're not. I'm telling you, the people who made this are laughing their asses off at us right now."
"Whatever."
"No. Seriously. Right now they're laughing at their headquarters, 'OMG! What stupid people, that trampoline doesn't even work but people keep buying them! HA HA LOSERS!' They probably laugh at all the test subjects trying to put this thing together too."
"Terra, c'mon. Nothing is this hard to put together."
"Well obviously SOMETHING is, or we would'nt be sitting here trying to get this piece of shit together twenty minutes later."
"Hmm. umm. I'm going to take this home. I'll figure it out tomorrow."
"Fine. When you're done not putting it together bring it back to me so I can throw it at Walmarts front door."
See. I would return it, but I can't find the reciept, and also, I really do just want to throw the damn thing.
*******************************
Tell me that you’re not thankful.
Or tell me that you are, but then tell me the madness behind the misery, thereby canceling out the thankfulness.
Run into the middle of the street, throw your arms out, your head back, turn pointless circles and scream:
THANKS! THANKS FOR NOTHING!
While I turn my back on you.
That last year, and the year before, and the year before that, I held you in my arms, wrapped my scarf around the two of us and said, "Hey, us against them," even though there was no them. Even though I thought your madness funny, your fight futile.
Who were you fighting? Who are you fighting now?
I’m so tired of you.
James called me up to report that he was saved. His heart fell, and like all the queens’ horses and all the kings’ men, none of us could ever put it back together again. Turns out a little girl ran away with the linch pin. He found her name, tracked her down, held her hand and now everything is the same.
In-between the happiness I found myself wondering about your salvation/imminent doom. There is nothing and no one that can ever save you.
Over the phone O states, unequivocally, if you hadn’t messed up we would be husband and wife today.
Husband and wife?
Oh. Yes. My heart remembers now. The scarf.
Us against them.
************************************************
Note on thankfulness:
A couple months back my friend Tonie said that this has been a bad year... for everyone.
There was actually a lot of evidence to support this bad lunar year theory too. We, and numerous friends, had the following happen to us:
divorce
bankruptcy
robbed
victim of fraud
fired
fall out w/family
bad room mate (me, mos def me)
fall out w/friends
financial emergencies
death
health emergencies
and other things that don't quite fit into list format. The point is, bad year.
Except, this thanksgiving reminded me that, actually, it's been a pretty good year. Ok, so I had to live with the 'rents for a while. And, yeah, I had tons of unexpected financial emergencies that left me with a fifty dollar christmas budget this year... if I don't eat... or drive anywhere.
But...
I also moved back out on my own, tons of my friends/family got married this year. Lots of my friends got their lives back on track after years of bad decisions. The thing is, we all landed on our feet. And isn't that a better than good thing? Isn't that great? I mean, this year really showed what we were made of. And I'm thankful for that.
Hope you all had a great thanksgiving, except for you non-americans. Who should be thankful for nothing since you don't live on our bountiful shores.
=)
Wait.
Rephrase.
I bought the trampoline from hell.
At night I hear it whispering, "sell me your soul Terra."
Which is funny, because I traded my soul a couple years back for a chocolate bar.
hmm.
Apparently soul sucking trampoline didn't get the memo.
I would jump up and down on the trampoline to express my rage... but wouldn't that just be ironic?
also, I CAN'T jump up and down on the trampoline because I can't get the piece of mother fucking shit ball trampoline from lets-fuck-terra-without-warning/lube-hell together!
ARRR!
arrr? cool. apparently I'm an angry pirate now.
So this trampoline so far has
- tossed me across the room
- knocked me on my ass
- bit me
- hurt my foot
- and also knocked me on my head
I had to call in reinforcements, who also couldn't get the piece of shit to snap into place. Here's a direct quote:
"We have to be misreading the directions to put this thing together."
"We're not. I've read this thing back and forth, upside down even. We're not. I'm telling you, the people who made this are laughing their asses off at us right now."
"Whatever."
"No. Seriously. Right now they're laughing at their headquarters, 'OMG! What stupid people, that trampoline doesn't even work but people keep buying them! HA HA LOSERS!' They probably laugh at all the test subjects trying to put this thing together too."
"Terra, c'mon. Nothing is this hard to put together."
"Well obviously SOMETHING is, or we would'nt be sitting here trying to get this piece of shit together twenty minutes later."
"Hmm. umm. I'm going to take this home. I'll figure it out tomorrow."
"Fine. When you're done not putting it together bring it back to me so I can throw it at Walmarts front door."
See. I would return it, but I can't find the reciept, and also, I really do just want to throw the damn thing.
*******************************
Tell me that you’re not thankful.
Or tell me that you are, but then tell me the madness behind the misery, thereby canceling out the thankfulness.
Run into the middle of the street, throw your arms out, your head back, turn pointless circles and scream:
THANKS! THANKS FOR NOTHING!
While I turn my back on you.
That last year, and the year before, and the year before that, I held you in my arms, wrapped my scarf around the two of us and said, "Hey, us against them," even though there was no them. Even though I thought your madness funny, your fight futile.
Who were you fighting? Who are you fighting now?
I’m so tired of you.
James called me up to report that he was saved. His heart fell, and like all the queens’ horses and all the kings’ men, none of us could ever put it back together again. Turns out a little girl ran away with the linch pin. He found her name, tracked her down, held her hand and now everything is the same.
In-between the happiness I found myself wondering about your salvation/imminent doom. There is nothing and no one that can ever save you.
Over the phone O states, unequivocally, if you hadn’t messed up we would be husband and wife today.
Husband and wife?
Oh. Yes. My heart remembers now. The scarf.
Us against them.
************************************************
Note on thankfulness:
A couple months back my friend Tonie said that this has been a bad year... for everyone.
There was actually a lot of evidence to support this bad lunar year theory too. We, and numerous friends, had the following happen to us:
divorce
bankruptcy
robbed
victim of fraud
fired
fall out w/family
bad room mate (me, mos def me)
fall out w/friends
financial emergencies
death
health emergencies
and other things that don't quite fit into list format. The point is, bad year.
Except, this thanksgiving reminded me that, actually, it's been a pretty good year. Ok, so I had to live with the 'rents for a while. And, yeah, I had tons of unexpected financial emergencies that left me with a fifty dollar christmas budget this year... if I don't eat... or drive anywhere.
But...
I also moved back out on my own, tons of my friends/family got married this year. Lots of my friends got their lives back on track after years of bad decisions. The thing is, we all landed on our feet. And isn't that a better than good thing? Isn't that great? I mean, this year really showed what we were made of. And I'm thankful for that.
Hope you all had a great thanksgiving, except for you non-americans. Who should be thankful for nothing since you don't live on our bountiful shores.
=)
