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Wednesday, November 09, 2005 

Merry F*N Christmas! (original airdate, 2004, rerun)


Not that I'm mad that Jesus was born... but I HATE the malls! HATE HATE HATE! It's not that I'm wondering when Christmas became so commercialized, it's that I'm wondering when I became against it.

Stupid gift exchange.

Let me explain. This year I have done the majority of my shopping online. Thank you Amazon, thank you Overstock! I hardly ever go to the mall anymore. Mostly I research whatever I want online, decide what the best product is, and then and only then, if a nearby retail chain has the best price will I venture anywhere near a shopping center. Lot's of people in tiny spaces make me go postal. This is why I can't have a pistol... my aim is too good.

So I go to Westgate Shopping Center last night to pick up a gift for todays gift exchange. It's a shopping CENTER. This is less terrifying to me. An hour into shopping I decide to cross everyone off my list. Screw this, they get squat. They'll probably like it better than whatever crappy bath set I decide is the least horrifying anyway. Seriously, everything I saw was crap. I would be better off rolling down my car window and throwing my wallet out. So I went to Burlington and bought shoes. This only made me feel slightly better. Mostly because Burlington had run out of shopping carts so I was only able to carry two pairs of boots up to the counter... I wanted three. Stupid Burlington.

THEN I had to walk all the way over to Hallmark to buy a gift bag. At the cash register the clerk asked me if I was interested in any "special" items. I told her unless these "special" items transported me through space and time so that not only could I be home but Christmas could be over, I was not interested. Some lady behind me started laughing so hard she almost choked. I wish I had choked. Then I could be in the hospital and have a really good excuse for not buying anything. Lucky bitch.

What's wierd is that I usually love Christmas, and this year living with Tracie it's really not lonely anymore. I have someone to decorate the tree with! YAY for me! But I'm so damn busy. I have three papers to write for school, yada yada yada, (insert misc. boring crap here). F*CK! And it's not like I don't work full time.

So... I'm busy.

I'm tired.

And yesterday I started hallucinating while trying to do my homework. You know, when you're just about to fall asleep you start to sort of half dream, half hallucinate. Well I was sitting up, and trying to write a paper. Not good.

I think that what I'm going to do this year is tell everyone what expensive gifts I got for them (so that they get me good stuff), and then get them all really big boxes wrapped beautifully and filled with... sand. Hah Hah! I'll make out like a bandit. I'll probably get screwed next year, but that gives me a whole twelve months to pick up a new circle of friends that don't know what I did to the old set.