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Tuesday, April 11, 2006 

I Hate The Doctor

I hate doctors, I've hated them ever since I was sixteen and my family physician diagnosed me as a hypochondriac.

Fucking quack.

Fucking can't diagnose a cold correctly quack. I wanted to smack him upside his god damned fucking head.

Now that I'm older I know that I internalize stress. I run around pretending everything's fucking dandy until my body starts to fall apart. I get strange rashes, blinding migraines, crippling stomach aches, blah blah blah I'm a fucking train wreck. But since I was sixteen I've refused to go to the doctor's unless I was unable to stand.


That's pretty much my checklist. Can I stand. Yes? Good, no doctor then.

Besides all that, really unless you're pregnant, have a disease or internal bleeding, doctors are a waste of fucking money anyway. News-fucking-flash, the common cold has NO cure! Go get fucking dimetapp. Also, the flu? Wait it the fuck out. Turns out IT GOES AWAY.

So last year when I stepped on a nail I thought, big fucking deal. Okay, so it hurt, well what doesn't hurt? Then a couple of weeks went by and it still hurt. WTF? So I opened up the wound and disinfected it.

Yep, you guessed it, it still hurt.

And I don't know, what with everything else going on it was just never on my high priority list of things to do. I mean, I can stand. I can walk, no problem. Besides, it's not the pussy kind of infection, it's just the 'hurts like hell and won't heal' kind of infection. It's on the ball of my foot and for the most part I just ignore it.

So last weekend I decided I should probably take time out of my BUSY schedule (because I am so fucking important) and go to the doctors.

Which is when I remembered what fucking morons these people are. The lady doesn't think I have an infection, she thinks my muscle is inflamed. Oh, yeah. That's why it hurts RIGHT WHERE THE FUCKING NAIL WENT.

And that skin discoloration?

Completely unrelated.

GAH YOU FUCKING MORON!!! So I gave her a dirty look and said I disagreed, now she's making me go to a podiatrist. What the fuck ever. Look lady, I don't have TOE FUNGUS! I don't have an ingrown NAIL! I stepped on a piece of metal! Get that through your fucking head!

You know what the worst part of this is? I'm so FUCKING CHEAP (and broke. don't forget broke, those two often go hand in hand) that what I'm most pissed off about is not all of the wasted time spent in the waiting room (wait, that does piss me off too), no, what I'm most pissed off about is the fifteen bucks I spent on the unproductive doctor's visit. I so want my fucking money back.



I Can't Help You Now - Look, I have two songs on my hard drive that don't have the name 'iTunes' tatooed to their asses, so suck it
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