« Home | Today Sublime is Stuck in my Head. Loop. » | HNT » | Dear Diary » | Do As I Say, Not As I Do » | This is my new blue girlfiend. She's cool cuz she... » | this guy won at the race and then did donuts on th... » | At the tech museum » | some pics I've taken recently » | The Half Ass Movie Review Returns: » | I'm In a Bad Mood » 

Thursday, August 11, 2005 

I'm Just Not Into You

This morning I was listening to Greg Behrendt on the radio station. Alice. I like them. They make me go haha.

So Greg comes on and suddenly I am forced to listen as a deluge of idiotic women call in and begin to mouth off about the most inane things I have ever ever fucking heard.

So for those who don’t know, Greg is a stand up comic, with a rock/metal band that plays childrens nursery rhymes, and he wrote that stupid stupid stupid book, “He’s Just Not That In To You”.

Oh? Really? Was I supposed to figure that out when he didn’t return my calls, when he left another girls panties in his bed, or maybe when he got the tat of his ex’s name across his chest?

Basically what Greg has done is write a book filled with common sense and then handed it to women as if the were retards riding the short yellow bus through life.

See now, if I had written that book it would be a brick and every woman who ordered it would have that book smacked right into their face.

OK, a bit of a preface, I don’t hate Greg for this book, I hate women for not knowing this shit already.

For instance, some of the advice states that if he doesn’t return your calls, he’s just not that into you.

If he only has time to see you once a week, he’s just not that into you.

If he asks to bring a dog into the bed so it can lick you while he watches porn, he’s just not that into you, and also by the way, is one sadistic bastard.


If I hear one more damn female say in an insipid voice, I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m going to kick out all their teeth.

Look this book can be summed up in pretty much one paragraph.. ok maybe two, and I’m not going to charge twenty two bucks for this advice either. Or act like you’re stupid… although if this changes even one life then you really are stupid and I don’t want you reading my blog.

I’m serious. Click the x button right now. I hate you.

Ok, for everyone left: Everyone has bad days. Everyone. So the following sentences should be taken with something I like to call, common sense.

Guys who like you return calls, see you on Friday and Saturday nights (unless working), and don’t ever, ever, stand you up.


Also, men will lie to you to spare your feelings, to stop your crying, and to have sex with you. If there is a semi regular, or regular pattern of bad behavior, then this is how he TRULY feels about you! The nice stuff was just for sex and to clear his guilty conscious. Also, if he has tried to break up with you and you stayed anyway, any bad things he does to you? Yeah, he doesn’t give a rats ass because as far as he’s concerned you know the score and are now willing to take his shit.

I’m not exactly sure why women claim they don’t understand this. Personally I feel that it is an insult to our gender’s intelligence to keep up this charade of thinking men are just like women. They’re NOT. You want to know a secret girls? Men KNOW how we think and WHY we think that way, they just think it lacks common sense and therefore is of little importance.

Anyway Greg’s coming out with a new book called, “It’s a breakup because it’s broken”. Hmm. Really? I thought couples who cry and argue all the time were MEANT to be together?! It makes me sad that America is really that stupid.

Why do I say that?

Because the book is selling like crazy in America and a couple of other countries, but not France. Greg actually asked a Native Frenchman why it wasn’t taking off there and Frenchie replied, “Because in France, when we don’t like someone, we simply say ‘Eh. I don’t like you”.

Wow. What a concept.