« Home | If These Walls Could Talk They Would Say, I Cried ... » | The 411 » | Intermission » | Where Have All The Cowboys Gone and Where Are All ... » | I Feel Better Today » | I Once Knew A Guy Who Said » | I Need a New Hobby » | I Wanna Hide Love Notes In Your Back Pocket » | I'm Trash, But Not White Trash and That, My Friend... » | Layin Low in the L.V. (or, I just gotta post) » 

Monday, July 25, 2005 

Popcorn Time

Movie Review: I don’t usually write movie reviews, why? Because I don’t really give a shit. Also, I don’t watch that many movies… or TV. Except this last month. The end to late fees means I now enjoy renting brand new movies and not returning them for a month. HAHA.

Hitch: This movie was actually pretty funny. Light on story and low on thought. I like that in a movie. Movies that have morals make me want to shoot random strangers and leave them in an alley with their wallets intact, just to baffle everyone. Anyway, yeah, no real moral. Point one. Will Smith, point two. When the fuck did the dorky Prince of Bel Air become hot? HUH? Anyway, now he’s been hot for years but it still makes me scratch my head. The girl though… she was so NOT cute. I was all BLECH! And then, she was a BITCH! I laughed all the way through the movie until Will becomes a hairy unshaved pussy and cries all over her doorstep! If I was him I woulda slapped that bitch upside her head. Seriously, who the fuck does she think she is? I wouldn’t fuck that whore with my enem… oh. Hehe. Ok, I think you get my point. Everything else about the movie was pretty cool though! That guy from King of Queens fucking rocks. I was glad that he had such a huge role, it made me have to listen to the bitch in the movie a lot less.

The Lady Killers: Yeah yeah yeah. This movie is from last year, but fuck man I told you I don’t watch many movies so lay off already! I remember seeing the previews for this and thinking, HA, that looks funny. I don’t know why though. Maybe I was drunk because this movie was NOT funny. It sucked. I fell asleep twice watching it, and even though I was on a lot of benadryl that day, I still blame the movie. Plus, Tom Hanks is all pervy looking and the end sucked ass.

Miss Congeniality 2: I rented this for my mom, seriously, otherwise… ok. Fuck. I probably woulda watched it anyway. So no big surprise, Benjamin Bratt was in the first movie but not the second because dick wad breaks up w/Sandy in the first five minutes of the movie, after like six months of dating where they’re not even technically official yet, and THEN she proceeds to cry about it for the rest of the goddamn movie! For crying out loud woman get the fuck over it! Luckily by the end of the movie our heroin has moved on and is, from what I can tell, now a dyke.

Mr. And Mrs. Smith: Oh fuck I loved this movie. Guys this is like the perfect movie to take your girl to because not only is it a romance but it’s got guns, violence, car chases, and sex scenes with Angelina. How can you beat it! This movie kept me laughing, well, when it wasn’t slightly annoying me.

Here’s the thing, you’re a paid killer, and you’re a damn good paid killer too. As a paid killer I imagine intelligence and deductive thinking would come up somewhat high on the list of necessary skills, yet throughout years and years of marriage neither one figures out that the other one is a killer as well? Huh? I mean, there are a couple of tell tale situations that they get caught in that really shoulda tipped them off. Whatever, so apparently they are DUMB hired assassins. Sure. Ok. I’ll buy that. What I can’t buy is the ending. It makes absofuckinlutely NO sense! For revenge I threw my soda at the screen… but I throw like a girl so I hit the couple five rows in front of us.

Umm. Other than that I rewatched Ron Burgundy Anchorman, which made me laugh and laugh because… I like stupid movies, and there’s nothing stupider than Will Ferrell throwing a burrito in a motorcyclists face. Ahh. Good times, good times.