Cosas
A List of the Things I Don’t Have in my Home:
Liquor, because I would drink alone.
Guns, because I would shoot at my cats for fun… while drinking alone.
Evidence, self explanatory.
Bodies, because like Lestat/Tom Cruise said to that little girl: “Never in the house!”
Last Night
I watched The Bachelor, in paris or butt fuck ville for all I care.
Seriously the most asinine, insipid piece of drivel that I have ever had the misfortune to happen upon. If, I, EVER meet any of those women I will bitch slap them.
My rage knows no bounds.
If I kept liquor in my house I would be drinking right now while shooting at the television…. Um, with the gun(s) that I don’t have.
Fortunately I keep patron in my car, and taped to the inside of the toilet, for just such emergencies. (Is it bad when you hide liquor from yourself?)
Whatever.
“Oh, but Terra, how bad could those gorgeous empty headed women be?”
Well, let me tell you. They were grilling each other about who loved a complete fucking stranger the most and would make a better wife. They sat there calling each other immature, booze hounds, sluts, and losers not good enough for a STRANGER.
Fuck.
If some woman ever came up to me and said those things I’d be like, ‘you know what? You’re right. I’m going home.’
Because, fuck that shit! NONE of these women are going to be married to him. If they don’t get, on ANY level, how any energy and time spent on that stupid fucking tv show is a complete waste, they deserve to fucking die.
It’s Darwinism.
It’s survival of the fittest.
It’s some ancient archaic theory that OBVIOUSLY doesn’t fucking apply anymore or Bush wouldn’t be president.
Jesus fucking christ.
In other news, I still LOVE beauty and the geek.
Because I’m a WB whore, thank you very much.
Speaking of WB Whores
I’m just going to say it.
I’m just going to take a deep breath and say it.
I can’t live a lie like this anymore.
Every morning I wake up with it weighing heavily upon my chest, and one day, one day, it’s going to kill me with all of the guilt.
I.
Um.
I… watch Gilmore Girls. It’s my beating heart underneath the floorboards.
Not only do I watch it, but, I sorta like it.
Please. Please don’t lose all respect in me. I know you have to lose some, but all?
I swear, I’ll still drink too much, make inappropriate comments, and carry a box cutter in my purse. Can’t I just keep Gilmore Girls?
Even if there’s only three main character personalities on the show that are used, reused, recycled, and overused, again and again?
Even though all of the main characters share the same personality and are unbelievably glib? Even though what passes for romance on that show leaves me cold and uneasy inside and the girl that plays Rory bugs me with her huge forehead?
I like it. I look forward to it. Sometimes, I want to reach through the tv screen and shake them. Just to, you know, watch their heads go all bobble like.
Hypothesis
I have this theory that all of the bad actors go to bad actor hell where they suffer in unending flames praying for death. Some call this hell, but most know it as that WB show called, 7th Heaven.
Hillary Duff’s sister’s on it. You know? The ugly one?
And a lot of other people that make me want to throw up.
The lines are fucking cheesy, the acting makes me want to firebomb the studio, and I fucking HATE the whole stupid FUCKING FUCKED UP PREMISE.
FUCK.
I’ve watched it… twice. And still, it inspires this much hatred. It’s getting canceled this year… but I don’t feel any better.
Actor hell has always existed and always will.
Before 7th Heaven it was, Full House. After 7th Heaven it will be something else that makes me want to commit suicide just for breathing on the same planet that would willfully produce such crap.
Hey, do you think I could write an episode?
Hey, You, Yeah You
I know you read this and I would just like to say, I hate your stupid fucking hat.
It makes you look gay.
PS
I was talking to Lindsey Lohan. We’ve been fighting ever since I stole her boyfriend and wrote that she was a twat on an LA bathroom stall.
Liquor, because I would drink alone.
Guns, because I would shoot at my cats for fun… while drinking alone.
Evidence, self explanatory.
Bodies, because like Lestat/Tom Cruise said to that little girl: “Never in the house!”
Last Night
I watched The Bachelor, in paris or butt fuck ville for all I care.
Seriously the most asinine, insipid piece of drivel that I have ever had the misfortune to happen upon. If, I, EVER meet any of those women I will bitch slap them.
My rage knows no bounds.
If I kept liquor in my house I would be drinking right now while shooting at the television…. Um, with the gun(s) that I don’t have.
Fortunately I keep patron in my car, and taped to the inside of the toilet, for just such emergencies. (Is it bad when you hide liquor from yourself?)
Whatever.
“Oh, but Terra, how bad could those gorgeous empty headed women be?”
Well, let me tell you. They were grilling each other about who loved a complete fucking stranger the most and would make a better wife. They sat there calling each other immature, booze hounds, sluts, and losers not good enough for a STRANGER.
Fuck.
If some woman ever came up to me and said those things I’d be like, ‘you know what? You’re right. I’m going home.’
Because, fuck that shit! NONE of these women are going to be married to him. If they don’t get, on ANY level, how any energy and time spent on that stupid fucking tv show is a complete waste, they deserve to fucking die.
It’s Darwinism.
It’s survival of the fittest.
It’s some ancient archaic theory that OBVIOUSLY doesn’t fucking apply anymore or Bush wouldn’t be president.
Jesus fucking christ.
In other news, I still LOVE beauty and the geek.
Because I’m a WB whore, thank you very much.
Speaking of WB Whores
I’m just going to say it.
I’m just going to take a deep breath and say it.
I can’t live a lie like this anymore.
Every morning I wake up with it weighing heavily upon my chest, and one day, one day, it’s going to kill me with all of the guilt.
I.
Um.
I… watch Gilmore Girls. It’s my beating heart underneath the floorboards.
Not only do I watch it, but, I sorta like it.
Please. Please don’t lose all respect in me. I know you have to lose some, but all?
I swear, I’ll still drink too much, make inappropriate comments, and carry a box cutter in my purse. Can’t I just keep Gilmore Girls?
Even if there’s only three main character personalities on the show that are used, reused, recycled, and overused, again and again?
Even though all of the main characters share the same personality and are unbelievably glib? Even though what passes for romance on that show leaves me cold and uneasy inside and the girl that plays Rory bugs me with her huge forehead?
I like it. I look forward to it. Sometimes, I want to reach through the tv screen and shake them. Just to, you know, watch their heads go all bobble like.
Hypothesis
I have this theory that all of the bad actors go to bad actor hell where they suffer in unending flames praying for death. Some call this hell, but most know it as that WB show called, 7th Heaven.
Hillary Duff’s sister’s on it. You know? The ugly one?
And a lot of other people that make me want to throw up.
The lines are fucking cheesy, the acting makes me want to firebomb the studio, and I fucking HATE the whole stupid FUCKING FUCKED UP PREMISE.
FUCK.
I’ve watched it… twice. And still, it inspires this much hatred. It’s getting canceled this year… but I don’t feel any better.
Actor hell has always existed and always will.
Before 7th Heaven it was, Full House. After 7th Heaven it will be something else that makes me want to commit suicide just for breathing on the same planet that would willfully produce such crap.
Hey, do you think I could write an episode?
Hey, You, Yeah You
I know you read this and I would just like to say, I hate your stupid fucking hat.
It makes you look gay.
PS
I was talking to Lindsey Lohan. We’ve been fighting ever since I stole her boyfriend and wrote that she was a twat on an LA bathroom stall.
